Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Brightest Crayon in the Box

If you dress vintage, you know you stand out like a sore thumb. People are intrigued, confused, impressed, or upset by what we are wearing. It takes a distinct confidence to proudly wear vintage out, and to field all the questions asked.
I myself should admit right away, in the beginning I was nervous, and felt uneasy when people comment on my attire. I would only wear vintage every once in a while, and tried not to draw attention to myself.
At this point, I wear vintage every day of my life. I smile politely when whisper, "how fancy" or "wow, look at her" to their friends. Occasionally, I do get the wide-eyed gawking teenager, or the furrowed brow of the woman in dirty pajamas in the checkout line.
All of this attention, quickly becomes a double edge sword. I feel confident and pretty when people comment on my dress or my "put togetherness," but friends tend to feel put off by the constant attention. Even my husband rolls his eyes when I get accosted by a passerby.
It is very hard, because I spend a great deal of time preparing to look good when I leave my house. I don't wake up like a Grecian Goddess, (though.. wouldn't it be nice?) But I also don't want to people to feel like I am trying to appear better than them.
This also becomes a conflict as a mother. I wander the halls of my son's pre-school to the quiet whispers of sarcastic, "Oh, how fancy!" and other malicious jabs. They jokingly call me "super-mom" and grumble about not having time to dress up. It is very hard to respond to this negative energy. I often try to offer up the simple things I do to prepare my hair and wardrobe for the morning, in hopes that they can understand its simplicity.

I feel that so many people limit themselves with time, using it as the end all excuse for not being able to be glamorous. I hope that more out there (Yes those of you who are moms too!) will take the small amount of time to throw on some red lipstick, a pair of (low)heels, and a nice dress. I also hope you are received with warm wishes and nice words!

How do you deal with negative or positive attention in dressing vintage?
How do you deal with sometimes being, The brightest crayon in the box?

22 comments:

Unknown said...

SuperKawaiiMomma addressed this issue on her blog as well and I think it could appear on more so the message gets out to as many women as possible; dressing like a frump should never be a badge of honor. There are times when I do go out not looking my best and I pray no one I know runs into me where ever I will be AND I feel a bit lazy and guilty because really, dressing a bit nicer really does not take THAT much more time. (I wish more celebs did it. How sick and tired are we of seeing them look like crap except on the red carpet? They know they'll be recognized anyway.)
I have yet to mast victory rolls but I do wear vintage style make up and pull my hair back in mock rolls. I'm wearing high heels to church now instead of penny loafers. It is hard to find vintage in my size so I have nothing much but an open bottom girdle and a pair of stockings. I have a 60's pill bos type hat but an not brave enough to wear it and with what? As to the comments, my what small lives people live if a woman in a nice dress and make-up is something to mock, fear or hate.
You look great. Keep it up!

Amanda Laurel Atkins said...

Aw, I love this post. I love your blog but have never commented before. I know what you mean about being scared people think you're better than they are because you've chosen to wear a dress. I only pay attention to the nice things people say about my vintage clothes, and ignore the rare negative energy. I learned a long time ago that when people act that way, it is usually because they are jealous. You are sweet to try and give them helpful tips. Don't let them get to you!
-Amanda

Sweetpaintedlady said...

great post!,I recently got the snide comment of "you dont have children do you to have enough time to dress up?" What is that suppose to mean or do with it? Yourself, Super Kawaii Mama and many many other gorgeous ladies are perfect examples of how you make it work! I patiently explain that vintage it is a passion of mine and that I think nothing of setting my hair after a shower and letting it dry while I also do my household chores and get on with life. I feel if you are as passionate about vintage or anything else in life then you will always find the time to do it.

Dont worry about what other people think about we wear and enjoy the thrill of wearing something with history or something that sparks wonderful memories for some observer.


XX Rosina Lee

Solanah said...

Well put girlie!

I know exactly what you mean about it being a double edges sword. And what does one say to negative comments people aim at themselves? "I'm too big for vintage" or "I don't have the right lifestyle."

Sometimes (actually a lot of the time) I'd rather do without the attention, negative or positive, because really people, these are my normal clothes. Its the worst at work, I either get "Oh, I thought you were a mannequin!" "Do they make you dress like this for work?" or simply snickers and whispering.
How messed up is that to hear in a vintage store?

Well, lets hope tomorrows adventure doesn't attract anyone...odd ;)

Miss Matilda said...

Thouroughly enjoyed reading this x

I have the added problem that I am not 25 anymore.....so people just think I'm crackers.

I wear a uniform to work and always wear my hair flowers, the days I forget there are always questions, where is it, it's so you!

I tend to gwt on with the ladies in charity shops here as they are of the age that they were young women in the 40's, they often pick things out for me.

I am afraid I like being different and those that can deal with it, can stick to what they wear and i'll stick to what I wear. As for rolling their eyes, see if I care.

Much love x

Andi B. Goode said...

This is quite strange - I was just about to make a post in answer to a question someone asked me about dressing vintage in Adelaide (the reactions I get) when I saw your post!
It's terrible to know others get negative reactions! No one should be made to feel guilty for dressing the way they do. And, to be honest, if something is important enough to you (as your style so obviously is for you) then you will make time for it. Not everyone has to dress up or make an effort with their appearance but they really oughtn't grumble at those who do! You always look amazing.
Most of the time I go out with my mum (shopping, etc) and she loves it when people compliment me - it makes her proud.
-Andi x

The Golden Age said...

To be honest, I 've only ever had positive comments. (that I've heard anyway!)
I live in a small town where NO ONE wears vintage AT ALL and yes, I get odd looks when I go to the supermarket, but I think it's more because they haven;t seen it before. Old ladies like it, and men (no matter the age) are at least interested/respectful of it. Maybe because I look "ladylike"? I do think though, that we are making a concious decision to look a certain way and this does make us stand out - but how is that any different from goth, "emo" or hippie style dressing? At least the majority of the community views you as a "respectable" person. Peopple can say what they like, but wearing vintage, making an effort with your hair and generally looking "nice" can never be a bad thing. Maybe they just feel underdressed!

Angel said...

Twila Jean,

Wear whatever the hell you want. You are beautiful, and you deserve to feel comfortable in the clothes that you wear.

You look beautiful in vintage and to be honest whenever someone is lookin at you it's usually jealousy that you have 1) an item of clothing that most likely no one else has, 2) a fantastic sense of style, 3) look glamourous and 4) look like you take time to look after yourself.

I wear vintage clothes, and try to do vintage hair... it doesn't really work with my current hair do.

Casey said...

I have to admit, I haven't gotten a ton of negative comments (actually, only one or two really downright mean ones!), but have been on the receiving end of a lot of jabs from other women. In a way, it's just made me grow a thicker skin, but on the other side I always feel bad that other women don't see my dressing up not as a threat, but as a way to infuse a bit of beauty and glamor into every day life! I encourage everyone I can to just take a bit of time for themselves. You're so right about the "lack of time' excuse--it doesn't take any more time to throw on a sweet dress and pair of kitten heels than it does to don some pjs! ;)

As for the positive comments... well, I still love getting them and my husband has just learned to live with people stopping me when we're out. hehe! I tend to dress in a more "relaxed vintage" on a daily basis, but it is still something that stands out and recalls the silhouettes and trends of another era.

Anyway, sorry this is rambly! I think about this topic a lot--especially when I'm out and about. I tend to be a "people watcher" and observe other's reactions. So it's something that tends to be a bit on the forefront of my brain. ;)

InkyW said...

I'm almost 50 and when I was 20 i shaved my head and already had many tattoos (mind you it was 1980), so I got used to people staring at me for this reason or that reason years ago. I don't even pay attention anymore. My husband LOVES walking behind me to watch people look. Yesterday after getting my hair retouched (it's crazy red as you can see) we walked into a bar to have a drink and snack - 2 people spun around on their stools to look - and i was dressed vintage as well. stare if you must, say what you will, life is short and I'll do as I please :) that's how I make it through the day.

eCRAFTic said...

Though I don't dress vintage, I understand exactly what you feel. I work in a research company at the laboratory and this scientific world you're not supposed to pay attention to what you wear 'cos it will mean that you don't have the brains for the job. The worst thing is that most of my partners are women and some of them can't stand me wearing eyeliner, pencil skirts and heels.

It's not a matter of dressing one way or another, is a matter of having a defined sytle that for one reason or another stands out from the "standard", the kind of looks that cry out "I'm self confident". That is what another less confident people (mostly women, let's say the truth) can't stand. But that, or course, is their problem, not yours.

Miss Go Lightly said...

Hi Doll, I say damn it to hell with them! If it makes YOU happy to dress vintage, then that's all that matters, and if you're called 'supermom' because you find the time (which I agree we should all try to make the time whether you're a mom or not, to doll ourselves up..you'd be surprised what throwing on some red lipstick, a pair of heels, and a dress will do to your spirits!) to doll yourself up, the hell with them to! I get that all the time as well, but I've learned to just ignore them and not let they're snickering get to me...Keep on keeping on darling, you look fantastic!

Giza Sangria said...

I know how you feel, as soon as I turned 15, got a job and could afford to buy my own clothes I began wearing only dresses and skirts and the fanciness progressed from there. I'm proud not to own a single pair of jeans!

I would get odd looks and comments, sure- but what surprised me more was how often people assumed I couldn't accomplish something due to the way I was dressed. For instance, when I worked in retail they often asked if I could unload boxes from the delivery truck dressed as I was. Of course! I may look nice but I do anticipate such tasks and dress appropriately. I know how to climb a ladder in a ladylike fashion and I know just the right skirt to wear for the job.
If anything gets dirty or torn, it's my fault and obviously I won't wear my best clothing to work!
The attitude extended to my friends also. They would assume I wasn't interested in going for a walk or doing anything that would make me dirty due to how I was dressed. Why not?
Eventually everyone got used to it but sometimes you have to remind people that women wore skirts and dresses for centuries and managed to get by.

More often then not I get positive reactions from people on my appearance!

Iknowkaratevoodootoo said...

I'm like you were in the begining... becuase I just recently started dressing 'vintage' more often.
I get "hey marilyn" alllll the time from people, and that's rather annoying. Nothing against her at all, but just becuase I'm blond and curvey, doesn't mean I look anything like her!
My friends are really cool about how I dress. They know I love it, and often encourage me to go all out. I sometimes feel silly getting a dress and heels on when my hair is done and I've got the red lips, while they're wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
I think some people think I dress this way becuase I want attention, or I'm insecure and want to look better than everyone or only because my boyfriend likes vitage style, but it's quite the opposite... I only started dressing this way recently becuase I finally GOT the confidence to do it! I'd certainly prefer to go without the the comments from passers-by. AND! my boyfriend teases me every now and then when I wear "normal clothes" because it's so rare!

Courtney said...

Thank you for posting this! I don't wear vintage quite like you or Solanah do, yet. However, I do what I can with my makeup, hair and the clothes I do have. Whenever I take my daughter to school at 9am, I am fully dressed and ready for the day. It gets me plenty of stares, and some glares, from some of the other moms. Mostly from the ones wearing PJs and their unbrushed hair thrown up in a faux bun.

I'm so glad that you didn't let the negativity keep you from wearing and styling the way you want. If there are women out there that glare at women like us for dressing "like we're better than them" just because we would Never leave the house in sweats and no bra... well, maybe we are better than them.

Solanah, the comments you receive in your shop are just inappropriate. What are those people doing shopping in there anyhow? Pish.

I definetly agree with what Giza Sangria said. Just because we dress dainty, feminine, and pretty doesn't mean we can't work hard and kick butt doing it. For instance, three inch high heeled boots and a pencil skirt are not that difficult to change a tire in. ;)

Sarah said...

Oh, what an appropriate post.
I still don't feel 100% comfortable wearing vintage out (and I go to college in downtown Chicago - how ridiculous!)
You and Solanah have been an encouragement, though.

Elle said...

In my Grandmother's day, people dressed in ripped and dirty clothing would have been stared at while "ladylike looks" were the norm. Now it's the other way around.

This is one of my favourite quotes (shortened because it's a long one) and I think it applies perfectly here:

"...We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same..." Nelson Mandela

Keep wearing the vintage! You look gorgeous!

xox
Elle

Anonymous said...

What a perfect post! I get tons of comments about being "dressed up", but the truth is, I'd never go out in public the way most people I work with come in to work!

It can be awkward, but there's something awfully nice about being that bright crayon!!

esme and the laneway said...

I am always interested to hear about other peoples reactions when they wear vintage. I really enjoy dressing up, and have luckily only really had positive comments (so far! ha) when I go out. But I moved to the suburbs recently, and have found people here stare at me as I walk past – really eye ball me, and then turn around as I go past. It's just... rude!
It is always interesting to read about vintage styled girls that really seem to have their look together, and seem so confident in it, have some down moments too. You always look amazing, and other people shouldn't put you off :)

Eileen said...

Oddly, I don't get many negative comments...then again, I have always been very different, and to hell with those who don't like it.

I enjoy the compliments, ignore or freeze out the naysayers, and get on with my life. Luckily, DH is as fond of vintage as I am; that helps (also, I'm a swing dancer, though no one in the scene here wears vintage).

I don't always look dressy, but wear vintage or a reasonable facsimile thereof. I'm a knitter, too, so I can make items from vintage patterns. That's a lot of fun. (Much of the time I'm in a wool skirt, hand knitted socks and loafers, and a twin set.)

Continue in your chosen path and pity the foolish. Their lives must be cookie-cutter and dull!

Unknown said...

Hi!I'm from Portugal and I'm vintage lover too.
People stare and comment here as well.
Most of the times I think people stare in a way of curiousness rather than anything else.
I really don't care about what people think, and I try to look vintage everyday, and I very much strive to look time period without much of a production.
I identify myself with the women working class of the 40's, since we too have jobs, a house to attend to, and children. Having a small boy, never stopped me from taking care of myself.
Everybody should feel comfortable about their image, vintage lover or not.
Many times I leave the house without a red lipstick, I use earrigns very seldom, but as an option, not a matter of time. I'm not of the opinion that one needs to much dressing up to look vintage. I do like to dress up too! Just not everyday. :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Mysterious:
I wear skirts and blouses/sweaters
all the time for religious reasons.
Religious Jewish women do not wear
trouser; many don't wear denim either. It is not unusual in a religious community to see many well-dressed women in hats and suits,
even during the week. Life is too short-- wear what you like!
Now I live in Israel so things are a little less formal because of the heat. But I still don't wear
pants, short sleeves or see-through
items. Thanks for listening.

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