Twila Tips To Terrible Gardening

I thought I should do a special feature on something I find myself quite the expert in: gardening badly. If you have ever sought gardening tips, or help with planting your vegetables, you should probably just stop reading right now. But, if you like to waste a Sunday afternoon pretending you know anything about urban farming, read on my friend, read on...

I have broken down my master garden tactics into 4 simple steps. Lets begin shall we?

1. Start with the wrong tools! Don't have gloves or shovels, that is for serious pros... sissies.

2. Its also recommended to wear the worst possible shoes, and a white/light colored wiggle dress.

3. Step three is simple enough, get cranky when your man is photographing you, and get dirt EVERYWHERE. There is no rhyme or reason to the dirt part, just make sure you get it everywhere you can. (Tip! Don't forget to break off the lower leaves of the tomato plant and bury that sucker deep... this is a real tip, not a fake one. Trust me, I'm Twila Jean!)

4. Possibly the most important task of the afternoon is incredibly self explanatory.


I hope you have learned a thing or two about how to plant tomatoes, and I hope that by following these simple guidelines, you too will have an awesome harvest of veggies.
That being said, mine have only been in the ground for about 5 days... so this could all go horribly wrong. Good luck!